As far as relationships go, I have seen both ends of the totem pole. There are the guys who would go to the ends of the earth for you – and they actually do, whether you want them to or not – and then there are the men who go to the end of the earth (whether for you or not) and decide to stay there indefinitely.
I think men are under the impression that all women want the absolute, end-of-the-world-for-you man, and perhaps some actually do.
I do not.
I was recently discussing chivarly with Marie Claire contributor Abraham Lloyd, and whether the word carried any meaning today – or if it was, in fact, a concept that was DOA.
Whether it is or not, I realized that there are some male signs of affections – those adorable, little ways he shows you he cares – that I cannot support being a woman of the 21st century.
Ordering my Meal For Me
You’d think this is a no-brainer, but I can’t even count on my fingers (that’s more than ten for the mathematically challenged) the number of times I’ve seen a couple next to me where the male is deciding the outcome of the evening for all. I have never fallen subject to such a situation, and if I had, said male would be eating two meals for one. There is nothing more unappetizing than having no say in your own dinner experience.
Letting Me Win in Sports
How precious. You think you will hurt my feelings if I don’t get the win. I don’t think the following thought has ever occurred to men (and maybe it’s just me), but I feel much less accomplished getting a win I didn’t deserve than losing fair and square. There is also the fact that I can beat you on my own, and don’t really need the “additional help.” Thanks, anyhow.
There is something worse, though. It’s when we do win fair and square, and said male tries to play it off as though he let us win. It’s not only ridiculous, but we always know when you’re doing it – so knock it off.
Holding my Umbrella
This one doesn’t bother me so much as its simply awkward. My reasons for this are: my purse alone deserves its own umbrella, I can rarely keep up with your long man-strides and speedy legs, and I’d rather just do it on my own. Thanks.
Pulling out my chair
(A special thanks to Jupiter images for capturing the awkwardness that is the chair pull-out)
I am sure this one will not go over well with my fellow ladies, but its simply an act I cannot support. No rhyme or reason, other than I find it both incredibly awkward and outdated. The same can be said of the car door, especially being that the times no longer require most of us to manually open a door – unless, of course, you are me.
Tucking me in
I do not want to date my mother.
I mean, really - is it just me here?
I love this post.
I love your points and agree with most of them. When you said “Ordering my Meal for Me” I thought you mean like the guy would say what the girl wanted. Which struck me as completely strange and uncalled for. Then I actually read what you said. WHAT? People do that? How could that ever be okay? Wow that was shocking.
The way I see Chivalry it can be broken down in to two categories. The first one being things that imply women are unable to do something or that men can do it better. While the second one is things that are nice to do. (Although I clearly know a lot less about “chivalry” because I didn’t know people even did some of these things.” But in my opinion the second category is perfectly fine, this might include things like holding the door. . . I guess it’s not really chivalry it’s just manners I’m thinking about. But my point is a good set of manners is never bad. I don’t really have an issue with the holding the umbrella for you, although if the umbrella wasn’t big enough I can imagine forcing it or something strange. Also I don’t really have an issue with the pulling out of the chair although I agree it’s totally awkward. I might do those things on occasion or if the situation presented itself.
I mean honestly I found this post rather shocking; that like real people do these things. But then again let’s all remember that I’m a big homo, so Chivalry isn’t a concept that really even applies to me. Although I definitely try to do nice things for my “partner/boyfriend/lover/wow someone needs to really come up with good words for this”
Love the Post, love the blog!
Matt
I just responded to you and then it gave me an error message. My response was as long as yours. NOOOOO!
In short, I basically said that YES – it is insane that I ever had to witness the double order, and I hope to never again.
I 100 percent agree with you that common politeness needs to be practiced, but I don’t necessarily consider that chivalry. I also don’t think it needs to be extended to just someone you’re with, but everyone – I always hold the door for anyone, always say please and thank you, and so on. The other day there was a man in a wheelchair who couldn’t get by because something was in his way and I thought, WHY did no one help him! I rushed over of course, but seriously – people need to get back on the politeness boat. I don’t care if its a recession or not!
I think the straights could learn something from the “big homo” gang about the love and affection without it being a meal for two, tucking in sort of situation.
Loved your POST! Glad you liked the blog
yuppers, its dead. Loved the post!
you would say that james, and you prefer it that way – i know it!
Ordering my Meal For Me – ummm, no
Letting Me Win in Sports – HELL no
Holding my Umbrella – depends on the situation
Pulling out my chair – sometimes…corner bar, no. nice restaurant, yeah.
Tucking me in – HELL YES! Oh wait, you said “tucking”. nevermind. no way, tuck yourself in.
WALT – this was such a you response. i would have expected nothing less from you.
in other news, where have you been?! and are you still boycotting the eagles? GO PHILS!
I’m still here, just much more on FB than Twitter these days. And yes, my boycott is still on. I said I was boycotting the Eagles until the Phillies season is over and since I’m incredibly stubborn, I’m sticking to it.
Reply FAIL. Yes, you DO have to make it back to Philly soon. And I do miss the Eagles…just a few more games to go.
This reminded me of someone we both know, as you say “a blast from the past.”
I really liked this post, Kris!
Thanks, Becky! I’m pretty sure I know the reference.
Good to know what you don’t want/need me to do…too bad I had to read your blog to find that out
consider it the new bible of the relationship
I know. Buy dinner for me. Then I’ll kill you in sports and talk about your mom and dog. While you’re at it, hold my umbrella for me, pull out a chair for me, and tuck me in.
Oh, wait. CHIVALRY?! I thought this was about SCRUBS.
@TheNoLookPass
No, you can buy me dinner, just don’t order my plate for me.
also – i refuse to watch the show scrubs. sorry. i know everyone loves it, but i could never get in to it. so i may be semi behind on the joke.
Ha ha ha. I didn’t mean the TV show, Scrubs. I made a reference to the TLC song, No Scrubs. Sorry. I lose.
@TheNoLookPass
you successfully made me LOL in public, so i consider it a win! I didn’t know anyone referenced TLC anymore, let alone NO SCRUBS! haha. I love it
also, I should note I liked TLC in middle school – I’m not trying to be above them or anything. Just so we’re clear.
There aren’t many knights (and apparently Elton John is one) – I’d say chivalry is dead.
Elton John is a knight!? What is a knight?
It is, and it’s okay with most of us.
what a funny post! you always make us laugh when we read.
OK I am old enough to have had my car door opened and closed… no handy little gadget to beep beep and unlock doors… actually had to insert key, turn and then open. Imagine!!! It was awkward and weird then, hats off to the remote! As for chairs… hmmm. I have to agree with Walt, corner bar, NO. MAYBE at a very nice restaurant… yes Kristin it is awkward, but the intent is what counts to me. Please do not EVER “let” me win, bc I CAN win fair and square, thank you very much. If someone EVER tried to order my meal, aaaggghhh! Hell I would rather order his and mine… that way I can have tastes of two meals I think are yummy. Here’s one for you… on a blind date once (1st and last btw) said date was a southern “gentleman”, epitome of chivalry (or so he thought). He was talking, I offered my thoughts and opinions… he actually said “If I wanted you to speak I would have asked”. I excused myself, walked out and had a great night with friends. Some chivalry is nice… holding my door, letting me walk in first, but NOT telling when and what to say!!
my older sister, ladies and gentlemen!
awesomeness runs in the brennan family.
We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. And I’d OWN you at Wii Baseball!!!
Funny you bring this up. The wife and I went out for dinner for our 1st anniversary of our nuptials. It was a very nice french restaurant with an almost overbearing wait-staff that was attending to every need. We ordered some wine and looked over the menu closely and I knew what the wife wanted, so I actually ordered what she wanted for her. It was incredibly awkward but for some strange reason I felt compelled to do it. I think it has something to do with the atmosphere of the restaurant and the whole anniversary of being married that brought out the awkward and outdated practice.
Anyways, I thought about it at the time and even later on but it was the first time in my life I had ever ordered the meal for a date. I have always thought similar to you that why should I order for a date? The women I would take out on a date better at least be able to make a decision on what to eat without me or we will have a world of problems later on.
Other thoughts…
I hate umbrella’s I won’t use one unless it is raining frogs like in the movie Magnolia (or the bible). That has yet to happen, so it would be unlikely to see me near an umbrella. I have tried to do the whole holding the umbrella thing and two people get marginally wet rather than keeping either of us dry. It reminds me of a potato-sac race.
Pulling out the chair is kinda awkward but if we are at a nice restaurant I will do it. Although anymore the restaurants that are nice enough to do it I have seen the wait-staff pulling out the chairs before you would have a chance to do so. Also, what are the rules on this? You pull out the chair when they first sit down, but what happens if they get up to go to the restroom? Should the guy pull out the chair again? If not what changed between the beginning of the meal and the bathroom break that she learned how to pull out a chair?
Hi Frank, to answer the chair question, I think the chair pull out rules simply go to the initial sit down when you first arrive. One and done. And maybe for the extra particular when you are leaving – is that something you’ve seen or done?
That actually reminds me that I have also seen men WALK THEIR GIRLFRIEND TO THE BATHROOM. No lie. That’s something I wish I had remembered, but I guess I will save it for another follow-up post.
I think the reason I think the chair pull out is awkward now IS because of what you said – I do have a lot of hostesses at nice restaurants pull my chair out for me. You guys should be thankful! They are saving you the hard work. =)